...today I am feeling guilty, fat and unhealthy. The day started off ok. I had a glucose test done and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...tasted like really sweet gatorade. I chugged it with no problem. However, I was EXTREMELY discouraged as I found out that I have gained 12 pounds in the past 6 weeks. Really?! 12 POUNDS!!! My doctor kind of slapped my wrists about that one. I had been doing so good up until now. So my plan is to walk more (walked 2 miles today) and keep track of everything I eat. Today I did well (other than the ton of sugar I had during my sugar test:-)) but still feel bad about the weight. I saw some pics that were posted on facebook of me and I just wanted to cry. I look huge in them...and I still have 13 weeks to go. I know it seems really vain of me to let this bother me this much but it does. I really just want to stay home away from people at this point. I have cried several times today. Not just because of the weight but just an overall overwhelming feeling. The weight was bad enough but then my mind starts wandering...."ok, so I have gained a lot of weight really fast and I'm swelling...could it be a sign that pre-eclampsia is coming?"...."I should have been eating healthier the whole time. I did this to myself"...."Am I really going to be able to do this?"...."will I be a good mommy" and on and on....
I was so blessed to have a friend text me and check up on me right when I needed it. She was more encouraging than she could know and I thank God that she was there for me:-) This friend is expecting a little girl and due in November and like myself is planning on a natural birth. She has been like my own little support group:-) She is also everything I really want to be...she is so gentle, kind, meek, etc...qualities that are not my strong suit.
Anyway, just needed to get that off my chest.
Elam is doing well. His heart rate was in the 140's and he is still moving around like crazy. Can't wait to meet this little guy:-)
No comments:
Post a Comment